Resolution

I used to think that knitted socks were a sign of love. If I loved someone, I would offer to knit her a pair of socks. I tried this strategy all summer, and ended up with about eight pairs of socks on the needles for other people. Now, as Christmas draws closer, I realize that while knitted socks can be a sign of love, it is not nice to promise someone something you cannot finish by a specific date. Knitting eight pairs of socks in about six months is silly, at least for me. I am not good at sticking to projects. I am very susceptible to Second Sock Syndrome. I am also quite selfish and rather lazy. Knitting socks for myself is much easier than knitting socks for friends, and requires no deadlines.

Some people knit to make things, either for themselves or for others. Others knit for the sake of knitting, not really caring what is coming off the needles or if it fits anybody. I am that sort of knitter—a process knitter. I knit because knitting is fun. Knitting is simple, unless you want to try lace or cables or complex stitch patterns. I don’t do any of those; I like plain stockinette or garter stitch. I have to concentrate really hard to do even the simplest things: decreases, increases, turning a heel, ribbing…I’ll do all of them, because I do like having finished things, but I’d rather just knit back and forth or around and around with no reason to stop and pay attention until I want to find out how long the thing is. I knit to give myself something to do. Adding the deadline thing only makes it hard for me, and eventually turns it into torture. I stop loving projects I have to have done by a certain time, and then I put them into drawers or boxes and forget about them. This leads to missed deadlines and disappointed people.

Some knitters have the happy ability to set and keep deadlines, and those knitters knit projects for other people. These are the knitters who churn out socks, scarves, hats, and sweaters in weeks. These are the knitters who see no problem in losing sleep to knit. These are the knitters who knit even more obsessively than I do. I knit before classes, before chapel, in many of the free moments I have in my room, in the car, during movies and TV, and even during the formal banquet my dorm had tonight. That is a lot of knitting, and some people think I’m already weird and obsessed for knitting as much as I do. But there are people out there who knit in lines in the grocery store, as they walk from place to place (I’ve tried that and discovered that it causes me to walk in to things). These people will knit every moment of every day when there is nothing else their hands have to do. I can’t do this. My hands like to do other things besides knitting. They like to write, to type, to draw (though not well), and to just sit and rest. If I knit for too long, my hands and wrists start to hurt and I have to put the project down to keep from seriously injuring myself. Despite how it looks to people (mostly people who don’t knit or who have just learned to knit and are still slow), I knit slowly and not very much.

In light of all this, I have decided something. I love a lot of people, and I want to show them that I love them, but knitting is not really the way to do that. I am going to find other ways to show my love. I’ll bake. I’ll spend time with people. I’ll buy books and other things that people like. I won’t knit for every single person I meet and decide that I love (which happens fairly quickly for me; there are few people that I truly dislike). I’ll knit for someone if they buy me the yarn. I’ll knit for my family (though not very much). I’ll knit for my really close friends and their future children. If a friend tells me she’s having a baby, I’ll buy yarn and cast on the baby blanket, because I believe that every baby ought to have a blankie. Someday, I hope, I will knit for the man I choose to give my heart to (when he shows up and I know he’s the one), and for any children we have together. Other friends will get other things for Christmas, and I hope they’ll understand. Anything else I knit will be for me. When I do knit things for people, I won’t promise deadlines. I won’t say, “Oh yeah, I’ll give this to you for Christmas”, or, “This is going to be your birthday present”.

All those whom I promised a knitted present to this year, please forgive me. I will try to buy you a present, and I hope you’ll like it. I do love you—a lot—but it’s not a good sign of my love if I give you a half-knit sock and say, “I’m sorry. I’ll make this your birthday present instead”. That’s just mean. I am reclaiming some of the yarn I started making into presents, and will turn it all into something pretty at some point. Right now, though, I’m concentrating on two projects for myself and three projects for others for Christmas presents, as well as one project that is going to be a baby gift. When those presents are done, I am going to allow myself to be a selfish knitter. I see no problem with this.

P.S. I do have an idea that if, as I suspect, I have ADD, then having that confirmed and getting medicine to help me may allow me to concentrate more on my knitting and thus get more done. Until that hypothesis is proved and something is done about it, however, I am content to be a crazy knitter who jumps from project to project and knits mostly for herself because some of her knitting has no clear purpose when it’s started.